Am I any better for it?
1691 “friends” and 528 likes on my artist page.
Swiping past photos of strangers.
Is this what it is to be connected?!
The reason I am taking the first step is to regaining some semblance of my life, time and relationships. It is enough of a reason that the new users agreement gives up our rights and freedoms. What worries me more is that we are so attached to this time waster of an app that we are so willing to trade off our personal information and freedoms to corporate interest, for me personally, this is the last straw. An impetus for personal change.
Many years ago I banished the Nestle corporation from my life. I had to drop my favorite chocolates and candies, carnation, Delissio frozen pizzas, my favorite cologne and bottled water. At first it was difficult. Nestle is a powerful and pervasive corporation, interested in privatizing the worlds water supply. Yet in a short period of time it has not impacted me negatively in the slightest. 1 me stands for what I believe. I don’t think exodus from Face-Crack will be any different. I need to be free once more. Fingers crossed.
2014 was a very challenging year. I lost many friends, family and acquaintances. An inevitable reminder of our inescapable mortality. It feels to me like life is slipping away and I need to regain it with all my fight and fervor.
Exactly a year ago this time, I was forced out of my studio. Which has taken away my ability to create art leaving me feeling dulled. I have been without my temple of creation and it has been more than difficult. That being said, I have saved the same amount I would have spent on rent and I now wonder what to do with it.
I drew myself out of life, hiding away and battling the doldrums. I intend to put the effort back into this blog, my website but mainly my artwork and I hope a return to this brings the benefits social media could not. I feel naked and alone these days. Vulnerable and lost. I need to find myself in all of this craziness. Re-read favorite books. Turn off Netflix. Pick up one of my many instruments instead. Spend my time, my most valuable asset, by building amazing new memories.
I can be proud of my constant self-reflection, or maybe my overtly self-critical nature inherent in any artist. Social media has become an addiction, an addiction to immediate gratification. I find myself reaching for my device every morning, which battles the importance practice of writing my morning pages. In this I worry I am dissolving and losing the parts of myself that I love most and make me unique.
I have kept up a daily practice of sending “♬ ♬ ♬ H a P p Y b I r T h D a Y t O y O u ! ♬ ♬ ♬ .... and many more....” because it is as important as knowing somebody’s name to the bearer. Every now and again the rare and deeply satisfying conversation or connecting to friends from the past. It gives me a constant flow of news I don’t need. “Comments” and “likes” being fished for to build up ones ego. Hundreds of events I cant remember or attend. Yet I feel this alone has set a huge wedge between my true self and this other "internet-identity".
It seems to me that my interactions have become less and less sincere. I keep putting in my effort but as I look around, I see people around the table, at the club and in the mall, their fingers punching frantically, their eyes lit by little glowing screens.
I turn off my phone when I drive, and keep it off when I share a meal with friends, which does not seem to be the norm. But the thing I’ve missed most as of late is real connections with people. I’d rather have one close person in my life who really knows me deeply than 1600+ “friends” who when I encounter in person seem to loose eye contact after the first surface hellos. We really never really connect deeply. I want real connections, not “likes” and text messages.
I don’t think dropping completely out of society is a solution, but I feel like those I interact with, or date should equally respond with an enthusiastic attitude of “FUCK, YES!” If not, then there is no real reason to go forward. Recently, I tried to make every effort to grow some new friendships. I consistently put in energy but it was met with apathy and indifference. Why have I wasted my time struggling for no reason? It seems my lesson lately is to move onto things that really matter.
Like a hungry ghost my taste never ceases for an adventurous and passionate life. For people with a shine in their eyes and a fire in their hearts. Maybe along side my art I should elevate my drives and desire to write, to love and to eat amazing food. I desire connection and love, just like you. I reach out here, I invite you to be part of my world still but in a more real way, if you say “FUCK, YES!” you know where to find me.
Real life is better…..Farwell Facecrack!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and farewell facebook!